{"id":63,"date":"2013-05-31T20:55:24","date_gmt":"2013-05-31T11:55:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/?p=63"},"modified":"2016-08-06T13:55:54","modified_gmt":"2016-08-06T04:55:54","slug":"part005_edit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/part005_edit\/","title":{"rendered":"\u4e94 Part 05 (Jealousy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"tea_shaded2\"
\n<\/a>Not long after his visit to the village, the year\u2019s first snow covered the mountain. Stone and tree alike were coated in a thin layer of white. The snow sparkled in the winter sunlight, echoing the sounds of footsteps and falling drifts. As Sagiri had predicted, the cold\u2019s arrival came hand in hand with illness. Shichi\u2019s workroom, normally a place of quiet examination, was filled with his suffering peers. The usual hints of paper and herbs were now overwhelmed by the smell of sickness. Luckily, the ailments of the monks weren\u2019t nearly as severe as the plague in the village. Most had been diagnosed with a mild cold and sent back to their rooms to wait it out.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t you just prescribe me some tamagozake?\u201d Shou asked, frowning at the cup of ginger tea Shichi had given him. He was the last of the day\u2019s patients and coincidentally the most petulant.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not going to give you another excuse to drink,\u201d Shichi said, washing his hands in a shallow bowl. \u201cYou know we don\u2019t have eggs here, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember how my mother always prepared it, back in the village?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo I look like your mother?\u201d Shichi asked, narrowing his eyes at the other monk.<\/p>\n

\u201cA little, when you glare at me like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, Shou,\u201d he replied, opening a box of needles. \u201cGive me your<\/p>\n

arm.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think acupuncture is really necessary. I\u2019m feeling much better already.\u201d Shou clutched his hand to his chest. \u201cThis tea is wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have a fever. Please give me your arm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shou still hesitated, clearly remembering the last time the other tengu had performed acupuncture on him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI promise it won\u2019t hurt this time. Then again, there are some points on your face I could try . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, all right. Here,\u201d Shou said, quickly offering his hand. He shut his eyes, waiting with bated breath for the needle to pierce his skin. A minute passed and his feathers bristled with impatience.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what are you waiting for?\u201d Shou said. He wondered if Shichi was trying to tease him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m finished.\u201d<\/p>\n

The tengu opened his eyes, his gaze drawing down to his hand. Sure enough, there were five thin needles pressed into specific points along his lower arm and palm. Shichi was already putting away his supplies, closing the box with a thin metal clasp.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t feel them at all?\u201d Shichi asked, a bit concerned at the thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust some numbness. I was expecting horrible pain. Maybe Sagiri slipped in here when my eyes were closed,\u201d Shou muttered, examining the needles with scrutiny.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds logical,\u201d Shichi said, putting the box away on a shelf. He was relieved that he\u2019d managed to keep his focus. This was the day that Kana would be visiting again. He had heard that the plague in the village had subsided, allowing his worries to fade. It had been a challenge to keep his mind on his patients and out of the clouds. He knew he could no longer afford the luxury of distraction. Sagiri had caught him once, and if he were to start seeing Kana again, he could leave absolutely no evidence of it in his behavior. It was important to maintain the pattern of productivity and dedication he had built in the past few months.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019d better go. I have errands to tend to,\u201d Shichi said, shifting to stand.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t just leave these needles in me!\u201d the younger monk said, sitting up anxiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou seem to prefer Sagiri\u2019s skill to mine. Why don\u2019t you ask her to do it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShichi!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

After calming down his patient and assuring him that it had been a joke, Shichi finished tending to his symptoms and suggested that he rest for the remainder of the day. Shou had no problem complying. The whole temple had been working particularly hard the past week, and a day in bed was rather appealing.<\/p>\n

With his work done, Shichi could finally make his way down the hundred and eight steps, and into the forest toward the old storehouse. The sight of his footprints concerned him, but fresh snow was already falling over the gaps. The evidence of his excursion would be hidden almost as quickly as it was made. By the time he reached the entrance of the structure, his own body had also been covered. The flakes stood out clearly against the black of his feathers and he shook them off with a shiver.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere you are.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shichi looked up at the sound of Kana\u2019s voice\u2014she had already arrived, seated patiently on the floor next to a stack of empty casks.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said, the sight of her making him forget the snow on his clothes. \u201cWere you waiting long?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d Kana replied, watching as he sat down next to her. She leaned over, dusting the remaining snow from the top of his head. He took the opportunity to touch the side of her face, noticing that her skin was chilled. He remembered that humans had a lower body temperature than tengu, but it had never been more evident to him than now. Carefully, he pulled her into his arms, letting her rest her cold cheek on his collar.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re so warm,\u201d she said. \u201cI want to borrow your feathers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019d enjoy how I look without feathers.\u201d Shichi cringed at the thought. She snickered against his chest, making him regret giving her the mental image. For a while they were quiet, simply appreciating each other\u2019s presence. He never thought that he would see her in the old storage shed again, and part of him still questioned whether or not this was real. The biggest question, however, was what had been left unsaid back in the village.<\/p>\n

\u201cKana,\u201d he said, choosing his words carefully. \u201cCan you tell me what you meant before\u2014about already having a family?\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t answer immediately, though she\u2019d known the question was coming.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d she managed to say. \u201cI should have told you earlier, but I didn\u2019t know how.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shichi closed his eyes, knowing his suspicions were about to be confirmed. He wondered if she could feel the anxiety in his pulse.<\/p>\n

\u201cLast year, my parents arranged a marriage for me. I had no choice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see,\u201d he said, feeling suddenly guilty for holding her. He didn\u2019t, however, let go.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s much older than I am,\u201d she said. Shichi decided not to remind her that he was also significantly older than she was. \u201cBut he\u2019s a samurai, with strong relations to his daimyo. It was beneficial for our family.\u201d<\/p>\n

The monks of his temple didn\u2019t have much interaction with human beings, but they were at least aware of the social and political systems that governed the land around them. In a village as small and remote as theirs, a samurai would likely be in the highest social class.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel like a stranger in that house,\u201d she said, her voice muffled as she spoke into his shoulder. \u201cHe only sees me as a vessel to bear children. It was why I was up in the mountains when I met you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Shichi asked, touching over her hair and letting it drape through his fingers.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wanted to start, that night. To try to have a child. I wasn\u2019t ready, so I ran away.\u201d<\/p>\n

His hand stopped in place as he was forced to face reality. Kana had a husband. There were things that husbands and wives were expected to do. Another man viewed her as his property\u2014and even worse, it was against her will. Kana noticed as he went still and sat upright to look him in the eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is no love in my home,\u201d she said. \u201cBut I find love when I\u2019m with you. I feel whole when we\u2019re together. I feel like I could do anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do I,\u201d he replied. He hesitated before continuing, unsure if he wanted the truth. \u201cDo you . . . have children, then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t let him touch me,\u201d she said, shaking her head. \u201cIt infuriates him. I\u2019m worried that someday he\u2019ll grow tired of waiting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shichi was at a loss. Since he had met Kana, a barrage of unfamiliar, bizarre feelings had tormented him. Some of these were wonderful\u2014the sensations of love and longing, the way they penetrated deep enough to make him feel truly alive. This newest feeling, however, was different. It felt like a disease, creeping into him and spreading beyond his control.<\/p>\n

He had never felt jealousy before. Until then, his life had been free of attachment. He had always been content with what he had\u2014grateful for life, breath, and the roof over his head. Yet now, the image of a man he\u2019d never seen before ran wantonly through his mind\u2014a man who kept Kana in his home, who desired her and had control over her.<\/p>\n

He released her, his body stiffening as he sat back. This wasn\u2019t acceptable. Thinking this way\u2014losing control of his emotions and allowing himself to feel resentment. This feeling, this envy<\/em>, it was poison.<\/p>\n

There was more than the jealousy. The list of rules he was breaking grew every day\u2014from communicating with a human, to lying and having an intimate relationship, now with a married woman. How could he call himself a monk? Even normal men respected the vows of marriage, and monks were supposed to exemplify a standard of honesty and humility.<\/p>\n

Overwhelmed, he put his head into his hands and took in a breath.<\/p>\n

\u201cShichi,\u201d Kana said, reaching for him. \u201cIf it\u2019s against your morals and you can\u2019t do this anymore. I\u2019ll understand. I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t tell you sooner.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be sorry,\u201d he said. \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t have made a difference. I won\u2019t leave you, Kana.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her relief was evident in her expression. Leaning closer, she took him by the hands and touched her forehead to his.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt must be so difficult,\u201d he said. \u201cLiving that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe travels often, to the capital. I usually take those days to visit you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd when he\u2019s home?\u201d Shichi said, clearly not sated by her answer. \u201cWhat will you do when he tires of waiting? I wish I could help you. I wish there was something I could do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry yourself over it,\u201d she said, stroking the top of his beak. \u201cLet\u2019s just be happy that we\u2019re together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you<\/em> should be the monk,\u201d Shichi muttered. It was amusing to him that he was getting emotional when, at the same time, Kana was soothing him with reason. He really was terrible at this.<\/p>\n

\u201cI eat too much to be a monk,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you talk quite a bit, too,\u201d Shichi added.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that so?\u201d Kana said with a scowl, ruffling his feathers against the grain in a way she knew he hated.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, don\u2019t! I\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said, attempting to stop her but failing. At that moment, he realized that she was right. They were together now, and that was what truly mattered.<\/p>\n

#<\/p>\n

For the next few weeks, Kana continued to visit him at the top of the mountain. As winter grew deeper and colder, her journeys became more arduous. Shichi had insisted that he visit her instead, but they both knew that it was much too dangerous. If they were caught by the monks, he would be severely reprimanded. If they were caught by the villagers, however, he would most certainly be killed.<\/p>\n

It was one particularly cold afternoon that he was waiting in the storehouse entrance for her. Kana was late. The snow obscured his vision, whipping sideways with the wind and stinging the skin of his hands. When she finally appeared at the threshold, he led her in and shut the door firmly behind them. Shichi had long since repaired the holes in the walls and windows, doing his best to make the abandoned old structure somewhat habitable. Kana shivered audibly, quickly making herself at home in his arms. Whether this was an affectionate gesture or merely an attempt to steal his body heat mattered little to him. He was simply happy to see her safe.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have come. It\u2019s practically a snowstorm out there,\u201d he said, easing her down to the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust a small one. Nothing I can\u2019t handle,\u201d she said, though it was clear that she was cold and exhausted. He brushed the ice from her outer robe, noticing the fur lining around her shoulders.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d he asked, touching the soft material. \u201cRabbit fur?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy sister gave it to me. She likes hunting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh,\u201d he said, letting his hand drop. It was unacceptable for him or any of the monks to harm a living being, but he was in no place to judge the actions of others. \u201cYou mentioned her before. Haru, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. I worry about her, sometimes. Mother and father want her to marry, but all she wants to do is run around in the woods.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo she\u2019s exactly like you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s for the joy of the hunt. I find joy in other things,\u201d she said, her voice low.<\/p>\n

\u201cSuch as?\u201d he said, painfully oblivious to her hints. Instead of answering, Kana pressed her body closer to his. Her winter robe slid lazily past her shoulders as she nestled against his throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh,\u201d was all Shichi could manage to say, trying to ignore exactly how close she was. This grew more difficult as she continued, parting his robe with her hands. She kissed him once, then twice, and only after the third time did he hold her firmly by the shoulders in protest.<\/p>\n

\u201cKana.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d she asked, glancing up. \u201cYou don\u2019t want to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I do.\u201d Shichi\u2019s eyes flickered sideways. \u201cBut . . . I\u2019m a monk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell. Monks are generally celibate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re serious,\u201d she said, her voice flat. She shifted upright, clearly unhappy with this development.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t know?\u201d His posture shrunk.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow was I supposed to know that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought it was common knowledge,\u201d Shichi said. He started wondering if human temples followed the same rules as those of the tengu, or if it was simply a piece of information Kana had not cared to know.<\/p>\n

Kana bristled in defense. \u201cI don\u2019t spend a lot of time with monks!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou spend a lot of time with me,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you kind of failed to mention it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt never came up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kana looked back at him, unable to come up with a fair reply. Eventually, her scowl melted in defeat and she dropped her head onto his chest with a sigh.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d she said. \u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shichi wanted to hit himself. His hands were itching to mirror her touches. They had shown affection before, but nothing deeper than innocent embraces. This proximity, this daunting closeness, was making it impossible to think straight.<\/p>\n

Why did this rule have to be the one where he drew the line? It was already too late to redeem himself. He was fraternizing with a human and betraying his mentor, not to mention the entire temple; he\u2019d fallen into a relationship that was forbidden from every angle. Yet now, at this point, was where he had decided to be a proper monk?<\/p>\n

Slowly, he lifted her chin, waiting for eye contact. When she looked at him, he realized that there wasn\u2019t a thing in the world that he would deny her\u2014including this.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut,\u201d he said, his eyes intent as he spoke, \u201cif it makes you happy . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

The brightness that he was so fond of returned to her face. She smiled, tugging the seams of his robe until their bodies matched once again.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure?\u201d she asked, her nose touching the side of his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust be careful with me. I\u2019m an old man, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not making any promises.\u201d<\/p>\n

The wind howled outside, bitter that, for the first time that winter, it was being utterly ignored.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not long after his visit to the village, the year\u2019s first snow covered the mountain. Stone and tree alike were coated in a thin layer of white. The snow sparkled in the winter sunlight, echoing the sounds of footsteps and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-63","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-one"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1064,"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63\/revisions\/1064"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jisukcho.com\/karasu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}